Hi's and Lows

I had another 'outing' last night! I am quite the social animal these days! No not really! It was a long-standing invite, a friend and inspirational colleague was retiring after 40 years! Although yet again I wanted to stay at home in my comfort zone (pyjamas and TV and bed at 11pm) I owed it to Sara to get 'out there'!

It's strange being at a 'reunion'. To meet people you haven't seen for years, taking yourself back 11 years to when you first worked with them.

You can feel pulled, between who you were then and who you are now. Memories seem so perfect; you remember the Technicolor highlights not the real lows!

Life does move on inexorably but sometimes you can yearn for what has been.

I do, because I know what will happen, now I have the 'Knowledge' and could do it confidently, perhaps even better, if I got a second go!

But, of course, life is not like that, so for me ( always looking on the downside) to confront my memories is also about me measuring myself against my mistakes. What I could have done differently or better, what I did not do, opportunities that were not seized!

For me my biggest guilt is who I have lost contact with. My single-child free past was all about being able to drop everything and go off, to remember birthdays and occasions.

My children have changed me forever. They take pride of place, full precedence, thinking about them and being responsible for them fills my mind and there is no space for remembering birthdays, sending 'nice post to friends' impromptu nights out!

So ultimately the 'Reunion' was lovely, it was great to see everyone, to catch up on where they are now, brief snapshots and possible future 'meet-ups'.

It was just as nice however to sneak off and go home. To give the Big Boy a long cuddle that covered 11 years of shared history. To go upstairs and tuck in two small warm bodies and kiss their cheeks and whisper into their ears, "I love you very much."

Authors Note:

Midweek 'Mums trip out' to the cinema to see 'My Sister Keeper', was an enormous error, we cried, we sobbed and a small soggy tissue mountain was created!

It is frame after frame of, beautifully acted and shot, unexpurgated sorrow.

Like Pandora's box, it seems to have released a flood of emotions that have been lurking these last few days! Hopefully a run this afternoon will blow the cobwebs away (a good alternative to Chocolate Cake (9lb off to date!!!).

If you put 'soggy tissues' in as an image search on Google, this is the first image you get! Nuff Said!