Self Help & Dirty Feet

'Self help' What is that all about?

Well it is definitely better than being locked in a room with the best the NHS can supply!

I finally get an appointment for 'Psychotherapy', 6 years after the main crisis loomed!

I feel positive, mentally agile and ready to put the final seal on my recovery with some good strategies for maintaining mental well-being...

...then I step into my first 'session' with The Counsellor', she has dirty feet and straggly hair and clothes in shades of brown. She takes up a position that is slanted away from me, poor body language- in an interview she would be shown the door before a question was answered!!

She gives me reams of paperwork to fill in and asks the occasional question with a long drawn out ...'yes' to follow, I feel like saying rhubarb in response and seeing if she still answers in the affirmative.

She asks me what I want to achieve out of this 'treatment'.

I say honestly, 'strategies and concrete responses that will help me build my confidence and maintain well being'....

More sighing and limp questions, then she asks me again, I say, more firmly now, 'I want actions and responses not just talking' ....

..she mentions Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, my heart quickens, but she speaks, with the slowness of a Pope,

"I feel that there is more to explore, more discussion to come."

'Oh please no!' We are now running over an hour and my will to survive is melting.

..... "I state again- more stridently, even daring to mention 'CBT' obviously- a no-no in 'counsel speak' let them divine what you want- usually the opposite of what you are saying!

"I think my colleagues in CBT could probably do something good with you but....there is just some thing intriguing, I feel we need to talk more, you are un-resolved"

...( 'yes as to whether to throttle you?')

She asks me to do a checklist of how I am feeling right now, it comes out dangerously high on the Harm/self harm side, she does not realise that it's her I might want to harm...

...she mentions past desires to do harm to one-self

" But it wasn't serious? I mean you never actually did it"!

DUH!! And you became a counsellor how?

Finally she protractedly explains that although she has normally made a decision at the end of this 'interview' she feels she needs to see me again...

...absolutely not I think!

I go home and order the complete Paul Coelho works and 'CBT for Dummies' from Amazon,

SELF HELP!