Worjk Hard & Play Hard

It's been so long! That's because I have been working FULL TIME! As any 'full-time Mum' knows- when you work/exist full-time you certainly do not have any 'me-time' or cleaning-time or washing time for that matter!
Not long now till I am back to the Banks of the Supply List- uncertainty, heart racing and often fulfilling 6.5 hr stints! I am going for the 'short-notice option as my getting up early ( 6.15 now!) seems to be paying off and calm,of a sort ,reigns.
However there was still the time last week when, despite delivering Small Girl to the Minders with Book-bag, Lunch-bag, Gym-bag and Swim-bag, I had completely forgotten to do her hair- even brush it!! Good old saggy hairbands in the glove compartment and an accommodating Minder meant that a catastrophic coiffure was averted!
Meanwhile roles were reversed mid week as Big Boy took the week off to get over having no sleep the week before, it coincided nicely with Small Boy's 'Winter Vomiting' bout so they chilled out and re-bonded while I went out to work- how liberating! I did have to set the Cooker Timer as I left the house and tell Small Girl to go and "sit on Daddy when the timer goes off til he gets up"!
Anyway the end of the week was pretty momentous..I had my first job interview for years. The night before I practiced my outfit ( more important than the questions) and Small Boy watched as I struggled into my 'Emaness' trousers ( de-rigeur for interviews) I squeezed into my power-dressing white top. He looked and said,
" Mummy you look..." No not beautiful or lovely...
"tight!"
I went for the black long tunic look over trousers!
All to no avail- didn't got the job and after the usual demoralising feedback I thought I would stick to Supply...see above...
And that wasn't the momentous bit- which was going out for a girly night with a friend, totally mis-judging how much wine there is in a 'large' glass and staggering home trying to follow the 'transco line' of new tarmac, to prove to myself that I was not that bad!
I still got up at 6 with the babes- but was allowed a brief respite armed with Berocca and nurofen, 2 hours in bed while Big Boy watched the Grand Prix then I was up and in charge again! FULL TIME MUMS ROCK!

Tantrums and Tiaras

This week Big Boy has been working away. And by working away I mean the kind when you can't contact him and you don't know when he is coming in through the door. And yes it would be so easy for him to have another life! But no sadly it's not as exciting as that it is just the heady world of product design!
I have had the week to be a working single mother and what a wake up! Time to spend on my own! It's a struggle not to go to bed with the kids to be honest! I have been setting the watch! Not only to tell me when to get up but also to wake me when I have fallen asleep at the kids bedtime! Then what do I do next? I tried reading! Not even the most exciting thriller could keep me awake, cleaning- the house has been well and truly deep cleaned this week , then what... Internet! I have shopped, shoes, new pan, books for Small Boys birthday, financial advice, medical advice, job advice and finally You Tube!!!
Come back Big Boy, my Love Film subscription lies languishing, unwatched- evenings are not as fun without you!
It's funny I hadn't realised what good company we are for each other in this weird mid-point in our relationship, not the heady intense 'lost in each other' of the pre-children days. Big Boy and I exist in a timetable of mundanities with the occasional spark of disagreements.
Thank heaven for a bit of separation to make me appreciate my life.
Appreciating help and not being a Primadonna- all my plans for Small Boy's birthday 'Dog 'Party came to fruition today. I had been planning for weeks, Lists every where, up at the crack to prepare... so why was I still in my PJ's at 2 ( when I should have been setting up the hall!) A speedy shower- well I can't rush at my age- looking good takes time!
The In-Laws were vital as I collapsed into melodrama trying to decorate the hall 5 minutes before kick off.. 'It's all a disaster, it's all a disaster' was all I could say after weeks of planning!
Well it wasn't and now writing this with half a bottle of Cava inside me I am basking in the Great Mother glow!
Only 9 weeks til Small Girls birthday... plenty of time to plan that Winter wonderland party!! Ideas please!!

Oh my gosh!

I was about to sit down and write this post when I realised my vision was a bit cloudy! Half of the universe was on my glasses! Glad I did not socialise at all today- I would have appeared like a mad woman! All it needed was a bit of sticky tape at the sides!
It could have been much worse though! I nearly had a 'blond moment' last night. I was preparing to go all Mystic Violet hair again, applied the developer and waited but it seemed to be clearer than usual.. no purple stains around the hair line. Belatedly realised I had added conditioner not the creme colour and thus put peroxide only on my hair! Hasty wash out and a blow dry and as yet no blond to speak of...
A real Mars/Venus weekend with Big Boy as after he managed to have a hot shower and it was stone cold for me after ( Saturday morning!) I put forward the theory that the boiler was faulty... 'oh no!' he said,' I must have not turned on the tap, properly!, did I press the red button? was the thermostat high enough? '
After all the water was still hot... until today when it refused to trickle even lukewarm!
Big Boy off to work I had to cancel helping at school and sit with the Yellow Pages.
That is where the Mum's came in (no not the Mum mafia... the other ones, you know), the fourth emergency service?
A speedy group text produced 4 numbers, 2 called back, one came round and voila, hot water, who needs a man... well I did for the final removal of the diaphragm that had the hole in.. (on the Boiler!) but all the rest was true girl power!!

Time waits for no woman!

Ok so the getting up earlier did not happen but you know what, I really enjoyed my lie in Saturday! In fact the kids and I did not leave the house! The weather was so rotten!

After watching Jamie's Army I felt the need to create meatballs! After all did you see the people he had cooking...? If they can do it!!

It was great! Plug the kids into the computer- policed by the kitchen timer, 20 mins, beep then change over ( that is my super parent tip for the day!).

That left me with plenty of quality time with the mince. I am so 'down' with the raw stuff ( modern parlay I believe!). In fact as a past vegan I was surprised how ok I was. It was very therapeutic and the kids had a squidge as well! The only thing was Jamie does love his garlic.

Small Boys first comment was ' it stinks!'

Small Girl said 'I am not eating the burnt ones!

Quick as a flash I said 'They are not burnt they are cooked!'

Well Jamie did say to give them a nice colour!

They did disappear though and 'oh happy day I have some left over to freeze so the kids get a second go at them... Must remember to make it a Friday so they don't breathe garlic over school mates- that would interfere on their popularity no end!!

Small Girl has had a special thing home from school that lets her go on a site a with Maths games. She seems to be doing really well- she isn't bothering me for help! However I felt a spike of 'pushy motherness' as I noticed they had a league table of highest scorers- must give her more time on it... they are all from Malaysia or Thailand wonder how much time they spend on the computer?

Update- did not get Parent Governor! To be honest after the week of disorganisation I had...see Monday! I am deeply relieved! Think I am better as a listening to readers, chatting on the playground, arriving late and forgetting to return letters sort of Mum!!

Must go- we are all scratching again only 4 weeks into term and time for another great Nit hunt! What fun!!

Time flies but is it fun?

A few years ago I decided I would avoid wearing my watch because I felt it was interfering with my natural sense of time. I also thought it would be less stressful!!
Just recently- in an attempt to gain more time in the day I have taken to wearing a watch again... further to this I have started setting the alarm to wake me up half an hour earlier. This is not yet creating enough time for me to get all my 'leaving for work/school jobs' done so I have decided I will set it earlier by 10 minutes each week!
Where will it end? I never feel like I have enough time! And there is that weird time-slip effect that occurs when you think you have everything done and/or under control so you actually sit for a cuppa and Bang! You are late!!
I am invariably late for school on a Monday and Friday- but I have an extra hour before I leave the house- so how can that be?
Being late causes other problems.
On Wednesday I was late setting off for work with Small Boy. As usual no women drivers stopped to let me out, finally let out by man ( girl-power what happened?). I then realise that the last woman to not let me out, the woman now stuck looking at me in her rear-view mirror in the traffic jam, is my Arch Nemesis No1 from my awful past!! I busied my self trying to look cheerful and wonderful miming to the radio and turning to address witticisms to Small Boy. Then coming in the other direction and slowing to wave at car in front of me was Arch Nemesis No2! two of them in close proximity in one moment in one day after avoiding it for over a year!
I nearly turned back for a stiff Gin! But pasting on my best ' I am a wonderful employee, your loss' grin I sailed on!!!!! Deep Breath!
Anyway I survived intact and now am looking forward to my weekend where I plan to get up at the same time and hope that spare time will help me to achieve some of the jobs on my list that I never get to the end of. Deep cleaning anyone?

Today has been a pocket-sized disaster!
By that I mean I should have consulted my pocket sized diary immediately upon awakening but...
... getting the children breakfast, making sandwiches, ironing top, straightening hair ( to avoid washing it) all took precedent!
Too late I realise I have organised to meet 3 different people in three different locations for lunch. No chance of pulling that off so have to come clean to two of them and hope they don't feel mortally insulted at being relegated to equal second best! But they are busy mums so not too sad thankfully.
Arrive on time at school- bonus! Then discover that the class I am meant to be working in have gone to Blue Planet and not told me! Before I can hightail it home I am discovered skulking in the classroom and put to good use listening to Year4.
One of them I realise I have taught before they decided to leave because ' everyone was blaming me' sic . Child has no recollection of me and struggles with his reading- not a good recommendation of my teaching skills!
Whizz home and before I can hoover carpet I am distracted by toast... then rush to 'lunch' stopping to purchase naughty cakes and flowers- only 20 minutes late...!
No lunch ( misunderstood original invite) so cream cake will have to do.
Rush to shop with 30 min to spare before picking up Small Boy. Just enough time to purchase pizza ingredients for the 'yummy-mummy' home-made pizza's the kids will make with their friends this afternoon, ( super mum status nearly achieved after this morning foul up), pause near pizza -base packet-mix before deciding to make own for extra bonus-points!
Arrive at Nursery with 5 min to spare feeling bit smug!
Then told that Small Boy has already been collected by friends Mum to take him to party which I have known about for month and forgotten!
Small Girl also expected...calamity!
Small Girl has two friends coming for tea. Plan to take them, am able to contact one Mum but not the other decide to take them anyway. Lock them in car with biscuits while whizz into supermarket for gift and card. Wrapped in car- not too bad. Arrive at party only 15 min late and feeling in charge only for Small Girl to tell everyone what original plans where and how I had forgotten special event. Humiliation complete. Must remember to look in diary not just carry it every where with me.

Quality time is fun.....

Back from a shockingly sunny weekend in Morecambe.
My bottom is very sore from all the 'fun' family cycling trips we did! Big Boy is sure it's just my aversion to bikes in general and keeps suggesting un-flattering strategies to cope with my saddle soreness.
These range from the insulting -'how about buying an old -lady style shopper bike ( is that what you would feel better on?)' to the down right outrageously offensive ' you can get bigger seats you know for people like you....'!!!! But he is trying to be helpful!!
Anyway those old -lady shoppers are a nightmare! I remember mine, from my childhood, which also folded in half! Handy if you weren't bashing it about on the bondu ( cyprus scrub-land) which meant it aged alarmingly and developed a tendency to fold-up at will. Not cool!!
Anyway every jack and his lad came out to look at the strange yellow thing in the sky. We even laid on the beach and made sandcastles! Small Boy developed this strange aversion to throwing the frisbee by the sea for fear it would float away. Needless to say we exploited this cruelly by throwing a few in the sea til he was hysterical! Oh how guilty I felt when I had to get up to him twice in the night to reassure him that the frisbees were in the beach bag and not floated away in the sea.
Not to be out done, my insomniac Small Girl demonstrated on the way home that she can whistle while fast asleep ( in the car). Is there a market for this talent I wonder- can we get money for it!
I tried to get Big Boy to open up to his softer side by asking him what he wants for his special birthday ( jewellery perhaps?) ' Not jingly-jangly stuff...!' In the end having exhausted all ideas I suggested that perhaps he was content ( hoping for some sort of compliment from the line of conversation)
'I wouldn't say that , I would say I am content with my lot'!!!!!
What does that mean? Is this another Mars Venus thing where it makes me feel like I am not making him happy? Exploiting the direction the conversation was going, while trying not to mention the M word, I continue.
' That's Ok. I know you haven't got the zing. I have. I am completely content and in Love with you but I know that you aren't and I imagine that oneday you will meet that someone and find your zing.....'
No compliment or rebuttal forthcoming...so on I go digging deeper!!
'...and thats ok I love you so much and am glad to have met you so when you go for that zing I will cope...'
Ok so no undying declaration of undying love or a proposal (? as if!) But Big Boy... the man I love for who he is (and that includes innate lack of a romantic gene) grabs my bike-tortured leg and gives it a squeeze...sometimes thats all it needs!!

Oh sunny day!
Started well as I got on the scales to find- shock - that I have lost 6Lb since Monday. Thats 'Morose Monday' when I decided to avoid fat club as I seemed to have put on 4 lb mysteriously despite my 10 km run that weekend! The mystery can be easily solved if I choose to remember a Manchester Lemon Bun to help cope with Small Girl's two hour wait at doctors to be diagnosed with Conjunctivitis. An illness that means she is completely healthy but cannot got to school! Another week where my employers have to do without me.
Will I become dispensible? That was the dilemma the Lemon Bun solved!
Anyway- sunny day and both kids at school! A freedom feeling is driving to 'grown-up' friend's house on the motorway singing to 'The Automatic-Monster' at the top of my voice and feeling inspired to yell,
"CHOOOON!!!!!!!" ,who says I am too old to be cool! ( ME!)
Primal Screaming really does work you know!
Maybe I need to keep the small people in the car with me, their taste in music is better and they ban me from singing- for my own good.
Handy hint from The Big Boy: if I wash the socks and pants separate from the really sweaty dirty stuff (!!!) it will be cleaner!?
Anway back to the missing 6lb. Where has it gone and how and more importantly will it be back? Answers on a post please. Nearest correct answer wins a Manchester Lemon bun- highly recommended.

thumb-things up

Why is it hard to do something right??

Today at work I managed to tip the mop bucket over in the toilets, so the small patch of child wee that I was meant to be clearing up turned into a large flood with a crowd of 3 year olds pushing for a good view .

The aforementioned mop then took revenge choosing to snap off at the top stabbing me in the chin- making me look like a battered wife... no sorry make that girlfriend (not partner!) and gouging a small but significant part of skin off finger- look!

Final insult was having to write it up in the Accident Book! Staff injured by mop, floor still dirty, staff will not have to pay for mop. Just the latest in a long accident prone history!

Ah well at least my kids think I am great...or in the words of Small Boy.

' Love you more than tigers, you are the fattest in our family' Leaving me with the dilemma of how to handle this in a good parenting way. Do I

a) say " Yes dear I am a bit fat but that is why I am running and going to Weight Watchers so that I can be thinner and be more healthy..."

or

b) say "the word fat is not a nice word and makes Mummy sad so it is banned on our house."

I chose option b) but then chose to follow it up with this threat when he wouldn't eat my 'healthy' tea.

" You don't want to be like **** at Nursery, have you noticed how his clothes are tight and he can't run or ride the trikes. He doesn't eat his healthy food- you don't want to be like that do you? Eat your meatballs and rice then you can have your Bueno bar.!!"

Helpful hints on good parenting skills c/o above.